As desperate and defeated as my post does sound, actually rather well. When I stopped sitting in my room complaining about friends about how I was single, I started getting on dating apps. I enjoyed some lovely kisses, a few intimate moments and eventually met my first boyfriend. I haven't met my husband yet, but I've definitely experienced that I'm living IN the world and moving closer to what I want instead of staying frozen and feeling a victim of circumstance. If I didn't have hope, I would never have posted something so personal in such a public format. And I've actually gotten a lot of great advice! That is being strategic. Part of being strategic is seeking feedback. Furthermore, I've learned from dating what I'm seeking is rare. And I've gotten greater clarity on what I want. That was a huge learning, and it came from seeking feedback. I've learned I'm desirable and that's improved my self-confidence. That came from finding an accountability partner and actually going on dates. I've learned that a happy marriage is hard to find and it might take a lot of work. And that's given me inspiration. That's come from being strategic. I've learned that to get better matches on dating apps, you need great photos. That's strategy. I believe that knowledge is power. Women can have power over their lives and don't need to sit in their rooms and wait for prince charming to ride up on his horse. Men are extremely strategic in how they date. Many treat it like a sales funnel. I don't agree about thinking about love like sales. But I do think it's good to reflect and improve your strategy to find what you want. And I think in this case, what I want is a good thing. And something it's OK to long for. Not something, as some in this channel would suggest, is an "ulterior motive" or "makes me appear needy" or in some way suggests that I view men as a commodity to bear my "trophy kids." If men are strategic about dating, why shouldn't women do the same?

You seem very smart and thoughtful. As you’ve asked for opinions, I’ll give you mine… the thing I’ve noticed missing in your posts in this thread (and if I missed it, forgive me) is mention of love.

Instead, you seem quite and transactional and check-list oriented.

Has there not been a man you’ve met for whom you’ve simply fallen head over heels in love? A man that suddenly makes all your strategic-thinking utterly irrelevant? I have no tips for how to find such a guy. But, I would bet that IF you find your soulmate, it will come out of the blue and, perhaps, he’ll meet very very few of your criteria. And, you won’t care in the slightest as you will have found in him a host of qualities that you suddenly realize you can’t live without.

Good luck.

Practical advice? Stay off the apps… I’ll risk the downvotes by saying the obvious: you don’t want the kind of guy who uses dating apps. You want the kind of guy you bump into in person, walking the dog.

In short, find a guy your attracted to, and flirt. It’s your superpower as a woman: regrettably, most women seem to have no idea how much control they have in finding a mate. Your last line about men being strategic in dating is wrong. We are not. Instead, most men are just waiting and hoping and praying that a woman will smile at them and start a flirtatious conversation.

*edit*I don’t think I was clear. Your problem isn’t getting dates… I get that. You probably know how to flirt quite well. I guess what I’m saying is that once you have the guy, make it romantic. Your superpower (more downvotes incoming) is your ability (and most women’s ability) to make a guy do whatever you want. Hell, many guys are dead-set against getting married… until I woman gets them to completely change their mind. It’s cliche in fact. You don’t need to find a guy who wants kids, in other words; you need only find a guy who wants to make you happy. Once you find that guy, you’re set— his pre-you opinions, goals, dreams, and sometimes even religion, is irrelevant at that point… we’re quite malleable, you know, and not nearly as set in our ways or strategic as you might think.