Thank you, and what a great quote that is

“Plastic as my little red guitar” is a savage burn though. :) I hope he got to a better place too.

I personally felt like I was self-culling from the herd, like some kind of evolutionary group damage-control program was activated. A switch flipped and I wanted to be as far away from everyone as possible. I don’t know if that’s a real thing though.

What a coincidence, I am also somehow special and think I can beat the system. So that is encouraging to hear, thank you.

i mean, a lot of people think that (me included).

I don’t know if my situation has any overlap with your wife’s, but it took me 2-3 years after the incident above before I could say I felt normal-ish again. But I’ll never be entirely the same. I hope she gets there, it sounds like you’re taking good care of her!

There is that, but I also don’t feel like “I was crazy” entirely absolves me. I could have made some better decisions for sure.

No-one ever gets every decision right. My fuckups have been lucky and haven't impacted my life too much. Your fuckups were unlucky in that they've interacted with an existing condition and thrown your life around a heap. That doesn't mean you're inferior to anyone, or have any worse/better judgement, it just means you drew a short straw. :(

Sure, we all make mistakes. But I think it's healthy to look back on those with regret rather than just shrugging it off. It's hard (even harder) to change otherwise.

Doing better doesn't mean you have to regret things. You can just accept you weren't perfect, understand you now know better (but still not perfect), and move on.

I had a fucking blast. It felt like an adventure.

Maybe that was some kind of self-preservation "GTFO and touch grass" ripcord.

Edit: ok! I read some of your other posts about that time. You definitely need help. Glad you're feeling better.

No, I very literally thought the local rocky hills were formed from huge piles of gigantic petrified sea turtles, horseshoe crabs, and stingrays. I saw their outlines and suggestions of their shapes in the rocks. It seemed self-evident to me that here were ancient creatures that had mineralized over time in rough piles. In smaller rocks they looked more like isopods, more creepy and Giger-like.

I took lots of pictures because I knew nobody would believe me. They are picture of rocks :)

neither here nor there but it sounds exactly like my experience on mushrooms, in which I explored a lot and took extensive notes of my thoughts and observations in what were later very self evident ways. The vastness of time was very evident. I wouldn't be shocked if the pathways activated were similar. I really wish we had more real time brain activity scanning available, then we could easily see when someone is going through X/Y/Z episode

That's hilarious.

Thank you, and yes, I was taking dexedrine for ADHD, and I’m sure that was a factor here, or at least it didn’t help!

ADHD even without medication can make you hyperfixate on something for so long (usually if it's encouraged by environment) that you end up literally having not to think of it for a time if you want to recover your skill. Autism, excessive routines, isolation, lack of play and chaos helps make this happen too.

Dexedrine is powerful. I took that when I was a teenager for ADHD and I lost tons of weight down to maybe 140 and it drove a strong compulsion for more drug seeking. I also got straight A's and started my own website business, but I also would have terrible fights with my mom and got kicked out of my house.

I think you may be able to attribute a lot of your experience to that drug.

When I switched to Adderall, my entire life changed and things started feeling normal again.

Stimulants, and in particular sleep deprivation from stims (not implying that was you, it's just a common pattern), compounds delusions really hard. Make sure if you continue to take stims you eat good, sleep a lot & drink a healthy amount of water

I‘d actually suspect the Dexedrine as the root cause of the psychosis.

Why?