I have been empathically engaged and still angry with someone, in fact, sometimes the empathy can make it worse when you realize the person just will not get with the program. When you understand what they are feeling, but know that to not get passed it will result un more harm for them in the long run.
It's the ugly side of empathy. It can bring people together, and it can sadly reinforce that which splits us apart when communication and trust break down.
> sometimes the empathy can make it worse when you realize the person just will not get with the program.
That sounds more like frustration from wanting the other person to think or act a different way. Empathy would involve setting aside your own feelings and wants for a time so you could experience what the other person is feeling. To do so, you would try to take account of the factors that have lead the other person to this point.
For example, if you saw a mother scold a child unfairly in the supermarket, you might consider factors such as the mother's income or lack thereof, and how difficult it might be for her to have to admit to herself that she can't provide what she thinks her child needs at that point in time. Her frustration gets displaced as anger directed towards the child, but that's not because she has ill will towards the child - its because she has no other way to dissipate the energy at that point.
That's one possible example, but perhaps I'm just not getting what you are saying. Could you give an example of what you mean?
> but that's not because she has ill will towards the child - its because she has no other way to dissipate the energy at that point
I am not sure where you was aiming at, but this sort of logic actually makes people not to intervene in clearly abusive situations. It is also sort of logic that people use to pressure abuse victim to stay in abusive relationships. It is also what makes victims stay in abusive relationship.
The fact is, parent not having ill will deep down is not what is affecting the child. The child is affected by the unfair scolding. Your example is asking for empathy for someone who made you angry (unfair mom), but does not ask empathy for child. Unfair scolding is not end of world nor is it CPS worthy verbal abuse. But the principle is the same.
It's the ugly side of empathy. It can bring people together, and it can sadly reinforce that which splits us apart when communication and trust break down.