sorry but this sounds pathological. Why do you want kids? "My job is not fun" can't be a reason, and if you have such levels of anxiety without kids , you 'll probably have a heart attack with kids. There are pathological cases of people (usually women) who are harassing kids out of such misguided 'longing'. Just calm down and think about what is it that makes you believe you want it so much. Is it peer pressure, hanging out with parents , you really like kids etc