I feel like all the truly transformative growth, those periods when you sprint from a nobody to the cutting edge, or start from a blank sheet and build a work of genius the likes that humanity has never seen, the manic energy that drives this, it always comes from hate. A hate for the self (wanting to prove something to yourself) or a hate for others (wanting to prove something to others), (which may really be the same thing; you're trying to invalidate your self-criticism and the perceived criticism of others by proving that you're better at something than most anyone else in the world). Mentally healthy people become mailmen.
Exactly. When people talk of "hatred" in such context, the nature of the feeling they describe has very little in common with the kind of feelings I've had at some points. If you think you're worth growing, and improving, and rebuilding, isn't "hate" way too strong of a word?
There's a bit of both. There' s a part of you that believes in yourself and wants to prove it, that's why you're even trying. But there's another part (or something external) that doubts your abilities. The "hatred" is from that part that believes you're capable to the part that believes you're incapable.
I think the better word here is contempt.
Bit of a corollary but I've just never been motivated by love. E.g. I don't feel driven to perform well because I love my teammates or love my company or love the world and want to do good by them. It's always a hatred-contempt of wanting to prove someone wrong or to prove that everyone else has been doing it wrong (whether on a team level or a world level). That's actually why I stopped being too chummy with my direct teammates. If you like someone too much, you lose the desire to brutally outshine them. Some part of you pulls you toward the group average so as not to become ostracized.
I don't think that a genuine love for humanity will give you the energy to do good for humanity. It must come from hatred-contempt, there is no other way. "Let me show you fucking animals...". It will never come from "I love you all so much let me build this for you."
